Ranting on missing and what I want

When I sit and ponder what my life was like a year ago, I could not believe it was different and similar as to what I have now. I have that same longing of searching what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go. The endless questions of who are my friends keep flowing in my head. It is a familiar feeling that you are surrounded by people yet you feel so alone because the ones you wanted to be beside you cannot be with you.

They cannot be a part of your life and current experience because they may be somewhere else or they simply cannot be you because they choose not to or don't want to at all. I miss my travel buddy who is miles away. I am once again about to pack my bags but this time with people I will be travelling with for the first time. I am not so sure if what they like to do is the same as what I wanted to do or how I do things. I miss my best friend. I just wanted to talk to her for hours about everything that I have to go through. All the extreme mood swings get tiring and there are things that I know she will be the only one to understand. There are other things that I wanted to do but I can no longer ask that person to accompany me. I miss greeting someone good night or good morning or ask how his day is. I miss just bugging someone to just go on a food trip or do whatever feel like doing and he wouldn't get mad because all that matters is spending time with you. It's funny because I miss these things but not the person. I keep telling myself that it has to end because someone better is coming. When I come to think of it though, will it ever come? I know I deserve better. I should be treated with kindness, respect and understanding. I keep crossing my fingers that whoever comes is faithful and not judgemental.
I just hope that he will appreciate the child in me and not hate me for it. Someone who can accept my past wholeheartedly and who I am now. Someone willing to go on an adventure and would also like to see the world and try so many things the world can offer. Obviously I will say applicants are welcome haha. If I think about it, everything I mentioned are things that I am not willing to compromise along with other factors.

I am at a cross road once again just as I have felt a year ago and also two years ago. I could not figure out what is the one thing that I really wanted to do for the rest of my life. I can do so many but I cannot pick one. What I have now is something I accept while I figure things out but I can no longer stay in this limbo. I talked with a friend last weekend and we were discussing when will our quarter life crisis end. Yeah...when will it end? What's weird though is that there was one thing we would like to do but if we do it, society and our culture judges us to be irresponsible. I would be glad to just pack my bags and live in a beach in Thailand and take a month to a year off. I envy how many Europeans and Americans can do it but as a Filipino, I feel I will be judged as irresponsible and stupid. Why can't we live a carefree life? Why can't we live a life where we can't be judged with our decission on what we wanted to do?

So much for freedom...Whether they amend the never ending issue with the constitution, it's not exactly a free country because we are judged by society, culture and most especially religion.

This may be a reason why I desperately wanted to move to Europe. They wouldn't exactly care how you wanted to live your life.

Why can't things be simple? All we wanted is just simple but everything around us just wanted to complicate it. The question is, if you find the courage to make it simple and go for it, will it be satisfying enough with everything that you have to go through?